Ash Heap

Have you ever sat in your ash heap, and wondered how in the world God could do anything with your pile of cinders? 
Have you ever given up on yourself and expected God to do the same???(lol)
Have you ever woken up so tired and achy and burdened that you'd rather NOT do another day? Have you ever let yourself  believe the enemies lies that whisper that your wounds you have received are too deep to ever heal, or to ever NOT be ruinous to your life! That all the mistakes, though forgiven, are too horrible NOT to be able to succeed at anything to leave a legacy

Well, STOP! If we belong to Christ truly THEN we are PROMISED forgiveness! We are PROMISED Gods never ending grace, mercy and presence, and again, forgiveness! 
And God is in control! Not us! Not me and not you....but GOD!
And He also promises that not one second of our pain will be wasted, just as His Word goes out and does not return to God empty, nor without fulfilling that purpose for which He has decided! 
With chronic illness and chronic debilitating fatigue, pain invade  life pretty much every day. We who suffer from any kind of chronic illness with constant pain don't remember anymore what it means to wake up feeling good in ANY FASHION, but instead we are haunted by pain, great fatigue and nausea every day! And oh my, it's HARD! 

We want to give up many times and  not continue with this clouded life. It makes me frustrated though because nobody understands outside of the ill society, even family members; Thus we feel continually that we are outside society's little circle, a world that does not understand chronic illness OR chronic pain, ESPECIALLY IN THE CHURCH! This should NOT BE! Or our own spouses and families! The ones we need understanding from the most? Most of THEM don't get it either, or they make it about them and THEIR LOSS.

GIVEN, they face the same losses in all aspects of life, but without the pain or crippling fatigue! We  however, have an incredible burden of chronic pain that unless felt one cannot explain, except the pain is everywhere, all the time! 

But familiarity DOES bring contempt of a sorts when mom, wife,all that I was I have lost but it being so familiar causes their compassion to dwindle after awhile and I guess with the small circle of people we can truly call friends gets smaller; people get weary of having plans cancelled last minute, or the fact that we often cannot even make firm plans; appointments moved, then moved again....gets old on us all. 

But its the MOST ISOLATING and painful  experience for the one who is ill and suffering 24/7 with pain SOMEWHERE ON our bodies! And pain all if the time is exhausting and moral busting. And it's more frustrating to wear yourself out getting ready for one of the few outings we take, and then be declared "all better because you LOOK SO GOOD??? Truth! Happens all the time when what you have is invisible to the outside watching, judging world! They don't see that at times, the pain is amped so much by the outing, that we can barely stand it to wait and get BACK into bed. Then, that one outing can equal at least one full, if not two days completely in bed. All of that work makes changes in lots of things, one our emotional energy is pretty much tapped out  when we but START our day, and there's little of me left at the close of the day yet I'm expected to still have more to give. We're still expected to step up and take care of all things. Ignorance, though, is still acceptable among the public, our employers, our FAMILIES! It must stop, we owe the ill care and respect yet we're continually cast aside, by all AND YES, AGAIN, WE MUST CARE IN THE CHURCH! Most really don't have benevolent ministries set up to contact and visit the home bound believer!WHY???? Someone PLEASE explain the LACK OF MINISTRY for the depressed, isolated, infirm person in the Christian churches? It's on you Pastors, Assistant Pastors, anyone who is a REAL CHRISTIAN, should be involved in making sure that the home bound worshipers are not left, isolated and alone, at home, without a church family, no one who I'd left without any support. It just isn't out there and I still ask WHY??

Learn to REALLY LOOK at the infirm, needy, and empty hearts surrounding us, then take a stand! 

It's time to be a Daniel, time to take  stand ( one that matters); time to HAVE A PURPOSE and dare to make that plain! Dare we to havE this in our lives, let God move for us. For all else is darkness and pain inside ....men cannot close their eyes to suffering!  But Jesus understands all of the sick and the ones who suffer have Him to look to for strength and hope. We must...or perish!