This is a very personal post I've decided to share because I believe there are a lot of Women out there; Christian and not; who feel as though they are struggling alone with a beloved spouse who is an alcoholic, seeming almost to look at in We're suffering in silence, praying for that miracle; most of the time left wondering "What did I even say to bring THAT on??? At least that was me tonight, and countless nights, with no way to defend myself or fight back, because you are being verbally torn to shreds by the man who once cherished you and held you in his arms! Wow! How DO you deal with that pain? And I'm suffering from chronic Fibromyalgia and a stroke in 2007 that hit my emotional and thought processing center, so it does not take much to totally overwhelm me and send me into awful panic attacks. Tonight it's been SO HARD to just HOLD ON,and my pain is going crazy all over. So I'm posting this hoping it might touch someone elses heart. And my husband has (prior to this evening, praying that won't change), agreed to Pastoral councel and we have an appt on Tuesday afternoon. I can only pray, that after years of suffering under his drunken anger (he's lovely sober), we can find some help!.
What
Do I Do With The Pain”
1/25/13
Michelle Y Secord
1/25/13
Michelle Y Secord
What
do I do with this ripping pain O God, tearing through my heart?
That comes as rage from the very one who loved me at the start?
When words of rage were few, but they always came with too much booze;
And then? He doesn’t care that the words cut like knives and of course I’m to blame
for my own inner bruise, and the scars left forming when he’s done.
Words like poison rip through my soul, and there’s not a friend to turn to; indeed, I’m all alone;
And once more my words are twisted around and used against me;
Suddenly, “I’ve done everything wrong and opined against him every day of our lives;”
Only I’m stone-cold sober and I know that it’s a lie, but there’s no use trying
To talk any sense for he can no longer hear; the addiction has him tonight;
And the ultimatum is plain; continue to speak and I walk out, and YOU”RE the one to blame!
It’s such a shame to see someone just throw their life away on something
so meaningless and so evil, that causes so much pain’
But they don’t care because they choose not to see that pain, the ones it leaves behind;
The marriages lost; family’s destroyed, all for drink and so THEY can feel good:
To hell with anyone else; a true addict thinks only of themselves
So I sit in this lonely quiet Lord, feeling lost and so alone;
Aching for what I cannot reach; the love I once was freely shown;
And I long to have him back with me, but he’s much too far away;
He misreads all my actions Lord, and everything I try to say, so it doesn’t matter anyway;
But please tell me please, for I do not know, where to put this pain;
That rips and tears and follows everywhere, and is impossible to explain…
Please hear this cry from one so small, because I cannot feel you near;
What I once thought was going to be a miracle just turned into the same old game…
So perhaps you’re out of miracles just now, or for the last 12 years;
through too many fights and angry words and nights filled with unspeakable fear
would Your mercy get him home alright again or would something horrible be-fall?
nights spent on my knees begging for his safe return; and mercy stayed Your hand;
But I’m too battle-weary now dear Lord, and I’ve naught left in me to fight
So if You wouldn’t mind too much, wrap Your loving embrace around me warm tonight…
but I can no longer take the pain of his cruel words and the way they tear and bite…
How can one who claims to love you speak so many times with hatefulness and spite???
That comes as rage from the very one who loved me at the start?
When words of rage were few, but they always came with too much booze;
And then? He doesn’t care that the words cut like knives and of course I’m to blame
for my own inner bruise, and the scars left forming when he’s done.
Words like poison rip through my soul, and there’s not a friend to turn to; indeed, I’m all alone;
And once more my words are twisted around and used against me;
Suddenly, “I’ve done everything wrong and opined against him every day of our lives;”
Only I’m stone-cold sober and I know that it’s a lie, but there’s no use trying
To talk any sense for he can no longer hear; the addiction has him tonight;
And the ultimatum is plain; continue to speak and I walk out, and YOU”RE the one to blame!
It’s such a shame to see someone just throw their life away on something
so meaningless and so evil, that causes so much pain’
But they don’t care because they choose not to see that pain, the ones it leaves behind;
The marriages lost; family’s destroyed, all for drink and so THEY can feel good:
To hell with anyone else; a true addict thinks only of themselves
So I sit in this lonely quiet Lord, feeling lost and so alone;
Aching for what I cannot reach; the love I once was freely shown;
And I long to have him back with me, but he’s much too far away;
He misreads all my actions Lord, and everything I try to say, so it doesn’t matter anyway;
But please tell me please, for I do not know, where to put this pain;
That rips and tears and follows everywhere, and is impossible to explain…
Please hear this cry from one so small, because I cannot feel you near;
What I once thought was going to be a miracle just turned into the same old game…
So perhaps you’re out of miracles just now, or for the last 12 years;
through too many fights and angry words and nights filled with unspeakable fear
would Your mercy get him home alright again or would something horrible be-fall?
nights spent on my knees begging for his safe return; and mercy stayed Your hand;
But I’m too battle-weary now dear Lord, and I’ve naught left in me to fight
So if You wouldn’t mind too much, wrap Your loving embrace around me warm tonight…
but I can no longer take the pain of his cruel words and the way they tear and bite…
How can one who claims to love you speak so many times with hatefulness and spite???
THIS THIRD DAY VIDEO SPEAKS DIRECTLY TO THIS ISSUE AND ALWAYS MAKES ME CRY, MY THANKS TO THIRD DAY AND MAC POWELL FOR PUTTING THIS OUT THERE
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